Damn Damn Di Damn, Damn Damn Di Damn Damn

They often say, “You can’t please everybody.”

But then again, deep inside you, there will always be that part who would want to be accepted no matter what.

It’s exhausting to think every single time, and rewind your actions scene by scene, just so you’d know what wrong did you do that might have offended someone you know. It’s too much of a baggage to always worry why certain people act the way they do to you (in a negative way) and differently when others are around.

A lot of people have been a victim, more than once, with emotions like these. We are, after all, social beings by heart.

Paranoia.

Isn’t it so bad that it even existed? Worrying about so many things, thinking and rethinking before acting anything out. It’s just too bad that some people, no matter how hard they try to escape such a lonesome predicament, they simply can’t. Maybe because they give so much importance to making other people happy when they’re around, to wanting people to feel at ease when they’re there.

When things aren’t as happy or as comfortable, they begin to think,
“What did I do wrong again?”
“Was it because of me?”
“Doesn’t he/she like me?”
“What can I do to fix things?”
“Is there a problem in the first damn place? Or was it just paranoia working its way into me again?”

It’s hard when you are prompted to ask these questions around people you’re not even close with. But, it’s nothing compared to how damn hard it is when you ask these questions because of someone you don’t just know, but someone you’re close with or want so badly to like you. Especially when they don’t make you forget it. But nothing get as bad as to knowing that they didn’t used to act that way before.

Isn’t it unfair?

You try so hard to be sensitive to the feelings of other people, caring too much if what you do is crossing the line of what’s offensive and not. Yet, some people out there? They simply don’t care. One day, they’ll just act…differently. Suddenly, the warmth they used to give you leaves, replaced by cold feelings directed at you. They don’t even care if it would make you feel bad and they won’t even say why they’re like that.

It’s as if you always have to carry the burden of thinking why things turned out that way.

They’re so used to you making the first move, asking questions and all that. They can’t even feel that you’re human too, capable of feeling as bad, but the difference? You TRY not to feel bad, not to get mad, not to feel sad because you actually CARE if the people around you would feel uncomfortable or worried.

Some people are simply not like that. In fact, they’re the exact opposite of who you are and, in our world, regardless of what physics or chemistry says, opposites don’t usually mean they attract.

Then, there are the ones who wouldn’t do the cold shoulder act. Oh yeah, they’re warm alright. But, they would make you feel, even in front of other people(in fact, very often) how low they think you are and how bad they think of you as a person. Behind their laughter and smiles, the funny talks and endless times together, they would constantly make you feel so… no words could even explain the feeling.

Then of course, the you who doesn’t even like to have a real fight would just plainly accept everything quietly, pretending to be cool with all of it when deep down, in the tiny corners of your heart, you want to just cry and say it all loud. But you can’t. You simply can’t.

Because that’s not how you deal with what you feel.

Shit happens.

Welcome, to the story of my life.

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